tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9026750446842946390.post3459147068156424623..comments2023-05-18T03:34:13.887-06:00Comments on Releasing Jessie: Covert Narcissismjessiehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06399613921768190064noreply@blogger.comBlogger11125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9026750446842946390.post-69854457595602596312016-07-24T13:03:34.595-06:002016-07-24T13:03:34.595-06:00Ahhh!!!! This all sounds so much like my mom! I am...Ahhh!!!! This all sounds so much like my mom! I am just learning about covert narcissism and I finally realize why I have felt the way I do my entire life. Thank you for this!Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9026750446842946390.post-11614106707699014042013-09-15T11:30:47.489-06:002013-09-15T11:30:47.489-06:00Hi Anon, I'm happy you are here but sorry for ...Hi Anon, I'm happy you are here but sorry for the circumstances. It is difficult, but figuring out and realizing it isn't YOU is a good first step. I've learned that NOTHING I could've done would've changed our relationship. But it's particularly hard to figure it all out when you have covert narcs.<br />It does feel a bit like you have no parents. There is a huge grieving process to all of this when you realize that your "parents" no longer exist....at least in the way you thought they did.<br />Take care of yourself Anon and I wish you luck. You are welcome to comment anytime!jessiehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/06399613921768190064noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9026750446842946390.post-78104051930446923382013-09-15T09:12:16.094-06:002013-09-15T09:12:16.094-06:00They are monsters in amazing disguises...
My fathe...They are monsters in amazing disguises...<br />My father is "textbook" covert.<br /><br />I'm in my 50's, and have struggled with thinking "what have I done wrong for years?"<br />To top it off, I am an only child.<br />And now my mother has adopted his covert ways.<br />I feel as if I don't have parents anymore, they may as well have died. I'm close to going no contact.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9026750446842946390.post-69779905487193739322013-06-25T15:19:57.583-06:002013-06-25T15:19:57.583-06:00Hi T Reddy,
I'm glad it helped. I thought t...Hi T Reddy, <br /><br />I'm glad it helped. I thought the chart would be helpful for those of us with a more covert type, but I kind of wrote out the examples for myself. I'm glad they helped you too! These things can be so hard to see.<br /><br />For years, my SIL acted as if she was my friend but she was often jealous and competitive. It bothered her tremendously that my husband was in the role of "second in command". SIL saw this as favoritism when MIL deferred to DH for "family decisions". (Really, she was just setting my husband up to take the blame or be responsible when people got upset about the decision). But as we started to distance ourselves, SIL started to step in more. At any large family function (weddings, baby showers) she liked to jump in and be in charge (while acting like she was just being helpful and considerate and the "good SIL"). She's always rushing in and sticking her nose into personal business (other family members budgets or relationships or financial matters) as if she is rescuing them. She loves to feel important. And I know that, like your SIL, she'd step right into second in command if she could when MIL can no longer do it. <br />Thanks for your comments!<br />jessiehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/06399613921768190064noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9026750446842946390.post-79516456849213666132013-06-25T10:33:45.866-06:002013-06-25T10:33:45.866-06:00Hi Jessie,
Great chart; Your examples of your MiL ...Hi Jessie,<br />Great chart; Your examples of your MiL and SiL fit with my MiL and SiL - I read this post with my mouth open the whole time; It is hard to deal with them because my own mother was overt and covert whereas MiL and SiL are mostly covert. <br /><br />What you say about not knowing your MiL - if I think about it - I really didn't know her at all. She cried over everything and couldn't take that her sons had differing opinions. SiL has slid into her spot since MiL passing away and now controls everything at family get togethers. <br /><br />Thank you for sharing your stories along with the chart - it helped understand covert narcissism a lot better for me. <br />xxoo TRTRhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/08532757489135750861noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9026750446842946390.post-41857549351674878702013-06-23T20:46:31.703-06:002013-06-23T20:46:31.703-06:00My NM also doesn't take being asked to stop an...My NM also doesn't take being asked to stop anything. Ever. She either just changes the "look" of a behavior, but still continues it, becomes sneaky about it, or cries and claims that she is allowed as the "mother" and it's time for things to be about her feelings. jessiehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/06399613921768190064noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9026750446842946390.post-85362666015474401832013-06-23T20:45:07.797-06:002013-06-23T20:45:07.797-06:00Haha, VR. That is exactly it with my NM. She thi...Haha, VR. That is exactly it with my NM. She thinks being a mean old bitch is the same as "not putting up with people's shit" and "taking charge" and "being strong". jessiehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/06399613921768190064noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9026750446842946390.post-55396595111897665792013-06-22T12:37:00.556-06:002013-06-22T12:37:00.556-06:00This is really great-thanks Jessie.
Yk, Psychob de...This is really great-thanks Jessie.<br />Yk, Psychob demonstrated behaviors and attitudes from both Overt and Covert at various times depending on the situation. Most fundamentally, she was Covert. My Nsis is also clearly Covert and a much more straight forward presentation of N. But Psychob had features of B/H/AsP as well-that's why I refer to her as the Walking Cluster B.<br />Your examples are excellent-as usual! I do know Psychob never had a clue about who I was and didn't care to either. (This extended to others as well.) I remember from the time I was a Little One and thinking about Psychob-and how to explain my Mommy wasn't like other Mommies. The word/phrase that always came to my mind was "Extension of her...as if I'm an arm or a leg." In many ways she was truly a social moron: She just ignored all verbal/behavioral cues from her "audience" while trying to impress others with how knowledgeable she was on any given topic in which she professed some interest. She simply did not care about the reality she *inflicted* herself on others, just as you have experienced as well. And if you asked her no matter how carefully worded to stop doing something? She'd not only continue to do it but would become even more totally obnoxious instead of backing off. <br />Her ability to get others to bend to her will took a variety of forms, from Strong-Arm Tactics ("You WILL DO THIS because I told you to!") to much more subtle approaches. Ex: Parasite/Ability to Plan Long Term While Getting Her Way Short Term: My two oldest female cousins-both adults-were "invited" to NY to "visit" Psychob. There's tons of stuff to see and do in her area and she was in the process of grooming this Family to move to their area after she had completely fouled her nest in her current locale. When they arrived, Psychob announced to them they were going Bird Watching. Neither of them had expressed any interest in this activity; however as guests of Psychob, of course they agreed to go. *She* was the one who insisted on Bird-Watching as an activity because this is what SHE wanted to do and fancied herself as an "Expert" in the Birding World. There's no doubt about her motivation at all.<br />My Aunt, their Mom told me years later she thought it was so thoughtful to take my cousins Bird Watching because Aunt viewed it as an opportunity for my cousins to "learn something your mother knew so much about."<br />Face/Palm. Psychob *always* got her way. How do you explain this, yk?! <br />TW Tundra Womanhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/12262066568878267648noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9026750446842946390.post-31547393887268036062013-06-22T07:16:08.567-06:002013-06-22T07:16:08.567-06:00This chart is interesting. My mother fits most of ...This chart is interesting. My mother fits most of the covert narcissist side, although she covers both overt & covert in self-concept. She also portrays a lot of false modesty. Like your NM & MIL, she considers herself strong and a helper, but being a big bitch is not the same as being strong :pJudithhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/16354890444410748967noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9026750446842946390.post-16277950658642545642013-06-20T13:33:02.551-06:002013-06-20T13:33:02.551-06:00Thanks, Kara. I think it's easier to find exa...Thanks, Kara. I think it's easier to find examples of overt narcissistic traits and having some covert examples are helpful. Because, yes, the covert type are monsters in amazing disguises.jessiehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/06399613921768190064noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9026750446842946390.post-70881843430258247922013-06-20T08:26:43.643-06:002013-06-20T08:26:43.643-06:00Very interesting post Jess. Thanks for sharing the...Very interesting post Jess. Thanks for sharing the chart. Covert types are the hardest to deal with, not only because it is harder to detect but because once you do, you can't bring yourself to believe that anyone could be like it.Karahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/14470007362954479373noreply@blogger.com