tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9026750446842946390.post6249132879953662773..comments2023-05-18T03:34:13.887-06:00Comments on Releasing Jessie: Won't Back Downjessiehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06399613921768190064noreply@blogger.comBlogger17125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9026750446842946390.post-21389884599026456212013-08-28T08:44:00.805-06:002013-08-28T08:44:00.805-06:00My mother used to plan these vacations when I was ...My mother used to plan these vacations when I was in my 20s with just me, her and my sister. I would be hysterical by the end of them. Both NSIS and I would cry through half of it (when she wasn't raging at us or storming off) and NM would wonder why we couldn't just "get along". They were MISERABLE and horrific. <br />Yes, the gun thing blew me away (no pun intended). I thought, why? She's been talking about this damn thing for two years, why NOW? Clearly for attention. And no, I live far, far from the ghetto or any place she really needs to protect herself.<br />We are getting there TW. It's just a process but I'm prepared to deal with that. Every step makes me (us) stronger.<br /><br />I have had a wonderful few days. And coming up, I get a whole MONTH narc free! Yay!jessiehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/06399613921768190064noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9026750446842946390.post-18514028971422579792013-08-28T08:23:52.159-06:002013-08-28T08:23:52.159-06:00Your mother's frantic attempts to focus all th...Your mother's frantic attempts to focus all the attention on her ranged from petty passive/aggressive tactics (driving slooowly to the venue, you're a captive audience in her car) to nasty/childish (an HR. to get back with the poor kid's gifts?) to alarming: Stop to purchase a WEAPON???? Aw, c'mon-that's so far over the top, words fail...I'm such a bitch, when I read that I thought, "Don't forget the taser, mom." As if you live in the middle of a ghetto, yk?<br />Again, you handled all of them and every situation flawlessly. I'm sure she's furious because she couldn't rile you despite pulling out every tactic in the NP book. For sure she'll wind up your Nsis and have her do the nasty (email, perhaps a phone call.) I remember how exhausted I would be after visits with my tag-team "mother" and "sister." And I was only dealing with 2 of 'em.<br />Eventually, the whole mess of them will force your and DH's hand and you'll both be in complete agreement-I firmly believe this. Until that time, you clearly have a Ph.D in N Wrangling Skills!<br />Hope you're getting some well-deserved peace and rest.<br />TW<br />TWTundra Womanhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/12262066568878267648noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9026750446842946390.post-90597470070776630682013-08-27T09:33:41.818-06:002013-08-27T09:33:41.818-06:00Thank you.
Thanks for the suggestion on the parti...Thank you.<br /><br />Thanks for the suggestion on the parties. I'm working on "phasing out" the adults at the parties. They've all been warned it will soon be only kids. I think, for right now, having "activity parties" where we have a very small "social" part (this time it was half an hour) and the majority is an activity with the kids, works out. And if I had them all over separately, I'd actually have it worse, as they don't know when to leave ;). In reality, DS would be upset if I didn't invite his grandparents so I'm sticking with it for now. And it's gotten so much better and easier, so I have hope!<br />Thanks for your thoughts! jessiehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/06399613921768190064noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9026750446842946390.post-56158221414371985562013-08-27T09:30:32.983-06:002013-08-27T09:30:32.983-06:00Thanks, Kara! Yes, I did feel quite like Indy.
O...Thanks, Kara! Yes, I did feel quite like Indy.<br /><br />Oddly enough, she emailed me twice last night about really mundane stuff as if everything was back to "normal". I suppose we'll see. I wonder, partly, if once she shares with NSIS what happened if I'll get a nasty email from her; she often berates me for my treatment of my mother. jessiehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/06399613921768190064noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9026750446842946390.post-53139844280701470072013-08-27T09:28:57.186-06:002013-08-27T09:28:57.186-06:00Thanks, TW!Thanks, TW!jessiehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/06399613921768190064noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9026750446842946390.post-72526653759410700402013-08-27T08:48:39.025-06:002013-08-27T08:48:39.025-06:00(Wild Cheering!) Wow, Jessie! NM has lost her powe...(Wild Cheering!) Wow, Jessie! NM has lost her power over you. You see the dynamics clearly and handled all of the sharks/situations so well. There's nothing more I can add to all the comments but congratulations. Your hard, internal work is evident in every situation. Jessie, I'm so impressed by your calmness, your refusal to play the game, just by your whole demeanor: You've gained so much self-confidence in your judgement and so much self-respect; it shows all over this Post. Jessie the Doormat, Jessie-the-Fixer is gone and in her place is a woman who is very clear regarding who and what she's about, who and what she's responsible for and what's not her "stuff." This is huge, IMO.<br />BTW, in terms of handling the kids? Anyone who wants to argue with a *Pre-School Teacher* or call you a bitch can speak to your diplomas! Ha! <br />Hope you enjoyed the good Irish stuff ;)<br />TW Tundra Womanhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/12262066568878267648noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9026750446842946390.post-45109242210835742172013-08-27T08:40:21.919-06:002013-08-27T08:40:21.919-06:00Hello Indy!! ;)
You did GREAT!!! I bet she didn...Hello Indy!! ;)<br />You did GREAT!!! I bet she didn't even know what hit her. You managed amazingly even though you had so many potential distractions around you. I have enjoyed reading every bit of this and learned a lot from it too. Thanks for sharing it.<br />P.S. I'm really curious to see what she'll do next, now you've changed the "terms of engagement". Keep me posted. Karahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/14470007362954479373noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9026750446842946390.post-66412716930223533132013-08-26T22:16:45.326-06:002013-08-26T22:16:45.326-06:00Good Lord...They're all cut from the same clot...Good Lord...They're all cut from the same cloth, aren't they? The childish behavior, the passive aggressive nonsense, the sensitivity to criticism, the complete lack of thought for how a conversation may be affecting you because they're so hell bent on getting their own way. I think you should be very proud of yourself for not strangling her. And good job not engaging despite her numerous attempts to hook you re: NSis. That's got to feel like a victory. <br /><br />Can I ask a question? Considering how the entire N family (NM, MIL, etc) behave, is it worth having birthday parties for the kids involving them at this point in time? You knock yourself out year after year and you sound so aggravated and frazzled by it all, I'm wondering if it would be easier to just have tiny birthdays for the kids while they're small? What would it be like to just have you and DH and the kids, a party and presents and no having to manage the whole tribe? I'm not saying never have another party, but maybe wait until the kids are a little older before returning to the more traditional birthday party routine? If you've got to do something with the family, maybe scale it back to just cake and ice cream rather than the whole shebang? You get a chance to just enjoy and you limit your exposure to the whole N situation. <br /><br />Drea<br /><br /> Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9026750446842946390.post-12188234068775456982013-08-26T20:31:38.155-06:002013-08-26T20:31:38.155-06:00I think too, that NC would just open up a whole ne...I think too, that NC would just open up a whole new batch of problems for me. So I need to weigh it all out before I make that final call.jessiehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/06399613921768190064noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9026750446842946390.post-78348477232246516282013-08-26T20:30:07.787-06:002013-08-26T20:30:07.787-06:00Thanks Gladys. I was actually a bit surprised by ...Thanks Gladys. I was actually a bit surprised by how well I did!<br /><br />TW gave me some nice advice on how to handle the kids and it definitely helped to have thought it out before hand. Toby's done this shit to me before, so I was ready ;).<br /><br />NC....man, there are so many things there complicating it. Partially, there would be lots of casualties to choosing that. And I'm not sure I'm ready to do that yet. Also, DH doesn't really believe in NC. He is very supportive of the work I've done with my mom, but convincing him NC is our only option, at this point, would be hard. Although, when we've discussed it, we never take it off the table.<br />The biggest reason is that I've fucking TRIED to have a discussion about boundaries, fixing the relationship, my issues with the relationship. NM just basically sticks her fingers in her ears and says "lalala, I can't hear you" and then cries. I haven't been able to fully declare to her, do this or else I'm out of here.<br />And I guess I feel I need to work through it all before I fully go NC. That I need to explore the avenues and fill like I've finally said all I need to say before I walk away completely. Especially since I have kids, I need to make sure that I've worked through all my shit before I make any huge decisions like that. I guess it's just not something I'm ready for yet....Yet. It's always there. At this point, I've become limited in my contact with her. It's not completely horrible, and aside from this weekend, she's been stepping back. So, we'll see how it goes. <br />But everything is an option. Just maybe not right now. jessiehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/06399613921768190064noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9026750446842946390.post-91730229471115305532013-08-26T20:23:48.118-06:002013-08-26T20:23:48.118-06:00Thanks Jonsi.
I think, looking back, there were th...Thanks Jonsi.<br />I think, looking back, there were things I might have done a tad bit differently, but not much. I felt like I was always in control of my actions instead of them being reactions. I was never on the defensive, feeling a need to defend myself or my actions. I might have disclosed some information that will have repercussions, but most of it needed to be said. And in any moment that I may have felt a sting, it was easy to shake it off. <br />I think the thing with the kids was it wasn't their fault. I probably could've been more patient with some of my responses to them (I know more effective ways to say some of the things I needed to say. I wasn't rude, but certainly was too the point. And if I hadn't felt so under pressure, I would've been able to take a second to prevent this kind of behavior instead of react to it.)<br /><br />Thanks for the thoughts and support!<br />jessiehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/06399613921768190064noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9026750446842946390.post-83731044324076793382013-08-26T20:18:41.681-06:002013-08-26T20:18:41.681-06:00Childish is the perfect word to describe her. I, ...Childish is the perfect word to describe her. I, in fact, thought several times how childish she seemed this weekend. At one point, she was purposely pissing me off by riling up my kid. She's get him laughing and then would look back (I had stepped behind her to help block her from seeing my reaction) to see if I was getting pissed off...much in the way my preschooler does things and then looks to gauge my reaction. <br /><br />And this kind of shit is SO typical. You'd be surprised at the shit she's held onto (FOR YEARS) and then "gotten back" at me later. And in this situation, she acts like I'm unreasonable (and controlling and overbearing and anxiety-ridden) for asking her to tell me an approximate arrival time. jessiehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/06399613921768190064noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9026750446842946390.post-44107888201639713022013-08-26T20:15:03.957-06:002013-08-26T20:15:03.957-06:00Haha! Well never, when it comes to you and me ;)....Haha! Well never, when it comes to you and me ;).jessiehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/06399613921768190064noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9026750446842946390.post-11044969155619188472013-08-26T18:44:38.635-06:002013-08-26T18:44:38.635-06:00Jessie, I am just wondering why NC isn't an op...Jessie, I am just wondering why NC isn't an option for you? I'm just curious, I DO understand that there are sometimes deep reasons - no judgment, just wondering. Probably because my own narcs were more the ignoring type - I can't imagine things the other way around.<br /><br />I absolutely LOVE how you were putting things back on the people trying to give them to you - like Toby with trying to give you the responsibility for his kid! And then how calmly you handled your NM. <br /><br />I'm hoping that you can begin to lay more of your burden down. Continue to lighten your load. I am SO IMPRESSED with your progress!!Gladyshttps://www.blogger.com/profile/03379796403577898107noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9026750446842946390.post-35954319852468780392013-08-26T18:21:02.422-06:002013-08-26T18:21:02.422-06:00Whew! I am absolutely fucking elated at how well y...Whew! I am absolutely fucking elated at how well you did. Your mother played everything by the book, she pulled out all the fucking stops (in particular during the conversation when you were making dinner and she brought up your NSIS) and you headed her off at the pass every time. There were a couple of times where I could see you faltered a bit, but you'd recover just as quickly. This would have been incredible to see in person.<br /><br />The party did seem to go well and from the sounds of it, your biggest issues came from the elusive parents of misbehaving children (which I HATE - take care of your own damn kids, it's not anyone else's job, even at a fucking party). I think you handled yourself well in that regard - I don't think you sounded like a hard-ass at all. There are times when you, frankly, have to discipline someone else's kid because the parents aren't there to do it; and as you did with Toby, you can often force them to be responsible by being assertive. I am so freaking impressed. You work well under pressure.<br /><br />"What matters most is how well you walk through the fire." - Charles BukowskiJonsihttps://www.blogger.com/profile/17517677634712242866noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9026750446842946390.post-65284503661355962462013-08-26T17:32:38.576-06:002013-08-26T17:32:38.576-06:00"So, now, we play the game of "when is N..."So, now, we play the game of "when is NM going to show up"."<br /><br />Jesus. Can you say fucking childish? She feels the need to "get back at you" for the boundaries you tried to set in place months/years ago. This, in my opinion, is a very good example of how it's impossible to ever relate to this people on a fucking grown-up level. This is such a childish, temper-tantrum-like reaction to something that was perfectly reasonable on your part.Jonsihttps://www.blogger.com/profile/17517677634712242866noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9026750446842946390.post-12920466192283721702013-08-26T17:29:57.314-06:002013-08-26T17:29:57.314-06:00"A bit too wordy."
NEVER! No such thing..."A bit too wordy."<br /><br />NEVER! No such thing!Jonsihttps://www.blogger.com/profile/17517677634712242866noreply@blogger.com