tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9026750446842946390.post1762114634581274209..comments2023-05-18T03:34:13.887-06:00Comments on Releasing Jessie: Unintended NCjessiehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06399613921768190064noreply@blogger.comBlogger12125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9026750446842946390.post-72886256646755579792012-11-01T10:12:03.598-06:002012-11-01T10:12:03.598-06:00I certainly was doing no good for her, and it was ...I certainly was doing no good for her, and it was taking a toll on me. Time to give up on impossibilities. jessiehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/06399613921768190064noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9026750446842946390.post-77927889897730845812012-11-01T07:54:30.977-06:002012-11-01T07:54:30.977-06:00Unintended NC is the place I came to be with my si...Unintended NC is the place I came to be with my sister too. Previous to it I had already decided that I wasn't going to share any of my "inner" life with her, and I wasn't going to be another "stake" to support her "tattered" life. I think it comes a time when you just won't mop up after them anymore, and you realise that all the times you had done before never really helped them in the long run, so what's the point anyway?Karahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/14470007362954479373noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9026750446842946390.post-35636403059961224922012-10-31T20:48:02.199-06:002012-10-31T20:48:02.199-06:00Great point!
I will resend. It was just a mess...Great point! <br /><br />I will resend. It was just a message for a blog invite. If you don't receive it my email is jsrelease(at)gmail.com Thanks!jessiehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/06399613921768190064noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9026750446842946390.post-66798135705185071642012-10-31T16:22:40.092-06:002012-10-31T16:22:40.092-06:00You aren't strong enough to handle your sister...You aren't strong enough to handle your sister, yet you're expected to support your mother? It's baloney meant to keep you guilty and in line. <br /><br />Hang in there. <br /><br />I didn't receive your email. Can you resend?Judithhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/16354890444410748967noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9026750446842946390.post-83892979672964079812012-10-31T09:52:24.467-06:002012-10-31T09:52:24.467-06:00Refusing to deal with their crap is the opposite o...Refusing to deal with their crap is the opposite of weakness. It sounds like NM is trying to tear you down to drag you back in. It sounds like you are doing what is healthy for you and your family.Besshttps://www.blogger.com/profile/08211150594109190701noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9026750446842946390.post-17239642986147502482012-10-30T22:54:30.050-06:002012-10-30T22:54:30.050-06:00And no worries! Sister will save me if anything g...And no worries! Sister will save me if anything goes wrong; it's her job. After all, she's my sister!<br /><br />Good for you for creating space, intentional or not.<br /><br />Love,<br />VanciVancihttps://www.blogger.com/profile/12324986021125687199noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9026750446842946390.post-11809425948451697272012-10-30T20:08:02.424-06:002012-10-30T20:08:02.424-06:00Thanks Vanci. Our sisters seem to have the same i...Thanks Vanci. Our sisters seem to have the same idea of a "pleasure cruise". Holes in the boat, check. No paddles, check. Storm on the horizon, check. 50 foot swells, bring it on!!jessiehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/06399613921768190064noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9026750446842946390.post-52266503812341479522012-10-30T20:05:56.215-06:002012-10-30T20:05:56.215-06:00Yes, exhausted is a better word.
Yes, exhausted is a better word. <br />jessiehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/06399613921768190064noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9026750446842946390.post-4082098098742786332012-10-30T20:05:17.496-06:002012-10-30T20:05:17.496-06:00Thanks QG, you've made a lot of good points. ...Thanks QG, you've made a lot of good points. And I do still care about my sister. But the shred of "my sister" that I see left is often so small and so overshadowed by all the other bull that it is just too much. (And often when she's being nice to me, she's exclusionary to my DH and being an ass to him. I'm always worried she's going to jump down his throat.)<br />I think NM definately sees it. No, I know she sees it. Especially since she is the one telling me about all the b.s. going down too. She alternates between horrible drama and yoga stories. She just is convinced (and has convinced herself) that these little shreds of normalcy mean something. When going to yoga is a huge deal, that is indicative that her life is a HUGE mess. jessiehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/06399613921768190064noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9026750446842946390.post-84808883290877067982012-10-30T19:17:00.697-06:002012-10-30T19:17:00.697-06:00Tired! I would think that anyone would be exhauste...Tired! I would think that anyone would be exhausted! Reaching out to her would be like inviting the tar baby out of brer rabbit to come get cozy with you. Whew! --quartzAnonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9026750446842946390.post-66909171250554609082012-10-30T17:46:26.328-06:002012-10-30T17:46:26.328-06:00Hey Jessie!
Okay, so many thoughts! The first one...Hey Jessie!<br /><br />Okay, so many thoughts! The first one is this; your NM is a MASTER of delusion! She's trying to highlight the NORMAL in your sister's life, to convince you (and through you, her) that her other daughter is doing just fine, and that you're making a big deal out of nothing.<br /><br />My parents do that. It's disgusting. It's shameful, too, because someone could, as you say, be drowning in front of your eyes, and they're just letting it happen and trying to point out all the normalcy to counter the desperation and f'ed-up sh*t going down. <br /><br />I haven't decided if they can't see it, or just can't acknowledge it. I think they see it. I think that's why they spend so much effort on covering it up! Yeay for yoga! Good grief!<br /><br />The second thought is this: you're angry at your sister 'cause you love her. And you care about her, IN SPITE of all the sh*t she's dished out on you your whole life! You've been courageous to reach out to her time and time again, at great personal cost, and for what? To be abused and excused from her life again and again? Yeah, that's N-behaviour. No wonder you're mad! :-) Be worried if you weren't!<br /><br />The opposite of love isn't hate - it's apathy. I think hate is often love-gone-sour. If you're angry and resentful at your sister, it's because you don't like that she's not helping herself, that she's letting her life fall apart. It's clear that you care. ;-) Your anger is justified, IMO. :-)<br /><br />You're being STRONG, Jessie, not weak! You're refusing to enable your sister's destruction! Good for you! Let them accuse you of the opposite - they're desperate for their lies to be true. The delusion is a tenuous one - they can probably feel it slipping away (which is good!). :-)<br /><br />Hang in there, Jessie. You're not weak. You're doing the right things. And the fact that you have any shred of sympathy left for your sister speaks volumes of what a kind, patient, loving person you are despite all the abuse you've received from these people!!!Anonymoushttps://www.blogger.com/profile/14047283921039790265noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9026750446842946390.post-75042644892521323682012-10-30T16:40:45.312-06:002012-10-30T16:40:45.312-06:00jessie,
This is a fantastic, real, honest, heartb...jessie, <br />This is a fantastic, real, honest, heartbreaking post. Thank you. <br />I also have (had) a sister, and it was always my job to bail out her boat. After she drilled holes in the bottom and defiantly launched from shore with no paddles or bucket.<br /><br />I know that you will do what is right for you in your decision whether you will contact her out of obligation or honor your desire not to deal with her. I do want to tell you that I don't think you're being weak at all, not at all. <br /><br />Love,<br />VanciVancihttps://www.blogger.com/profile/12324986021125687199noreply@blogger.com