tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9026750446842946390.post2327484996435164787..comments2023-05-18T03:34:13.887-06:00Comments on Releasing Jessie: My Fatherjessiehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06399613921768190064noreply@blogger.comBlogger11125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9026750446842946390.post-55481936342446237222013-07-31T14:18:53.749-06:002013-07-31T14:18:53.749-06:00And I think that this not accepting boundaries is ...And I think that this not accepting boundaries is at the crux of why they bother us so badly. I've been around asses and arrogant pricks before. They've never gotten under my skin as much as this self serving narcs do. Maybe because these other people, while self absorbed and not fun to be around, do not force themselves on me or require me to buy into their altered realities. They allow me to walk away when their bullshit becomes too much. A narc will never let you walk away. jessiehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/06399613921768190064noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9026750446842946390.post-11818003205469327382013-07-31T14:17:00.135-06:002013-07-31T14:17:00.135-06:00It certainly is strange to think how my perspectiv...It certainly is strange to think how my perspectives have changed. I used to think my mother was just as much a victim of my father's rages as my sister and I were. And while, certainly, he was a miserable person to be married to, she was not a victim. She was not helpless and in fact, often contributed, fueled, or created the problems. She was not a helpless child, as we were, and she rarely protected us from him. I struggle to imagine how she could have watched him be so horrible to us and then done nothing.<br />But the difference is, he has worked (very hard) to change. He has worked to understand my perspective and, at least, enjoys my company and has some respect for my autonomy and individuality (most of the time). In fact, I believe that it was his continuing push for me to be "independent" that saved me from a lot of the enmeshment I see with my mother and sister. <br />And lately, as I've moved further from the FOG of my mother and sister, he seems to enjoy me and respect me more than ever. It just is so odd. jessiehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/06399613921768190064noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9026750446842946390.post-54180008901511244152013-07-31T00:56:04.705-06:002013-07-31T00:56:04.705-06:00Hi Jesse,
It sounds like your Dad does realise a ...Hi Jesse,<br /><br />It sounds like your Dad does realise a lot and recognises boundaries which is huge (as Kara mentions). That is terrific the visit went better than expected. In your story during childhood, I felt too that my father was the 'bad' parent and after going through this process I find that although my dad does have his emotional issues (I think he was abused too when he was young) he does realise some things about his behaviours. My mother was the draining, manipulative one and she played it often to put my dad in a worse light than he actually was. As I went down this path, like you, I found my father to be the easier the one to deal with and more interested in spending time with me. He has his problems but he isn't a narcissist. <br /><br />Sometimes when I think back on my childhood and how some of my opinions have shifted 180 I can see how it was almost like one big joke, one big play. <br /><br />xxoo TRTRhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/08532757489135750861noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9026750446842946390.post-45635248444991139672013-07-31T00:41:12.330-06:002013-07-31T00:41:12.330-06:00"we could say that what makes a Narcissists m..."we could say that what makes a Narcissists more than not is their reluctance to respect other people's boundaries."<br /><br />I am finding this to be more and more the case. xxoo TRTRhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/08532757489135750861noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9026750446842946390.post-67875311154998484092013-07-03T10:24:51.388-06:002013-07-03T10:24:51.388-06:00"Certainly, you can reference my post. Thank ..."Certainly, you can reference my post. Thank you for letting me know."<br /><br />Thank you.<br /><br />"I do believe that anyone who is married to a narc, or in a serious relationship with one, has issues to address themselves."<br /><br />True. as I started to reflect on the behaviors of my mother and father more, I realized, as I said before, that my mother is not a narc, but I do believe that my father is most certainly one, and I know that my mother was more easily caught up in his trap, because of the experiences she had in her childhood/teenage years.burningcandleshttps://www.blogger.com/profile/15698012983033681418noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9026750446842946390.post-56144111967296944922013-07-01T09:19:11.861-06:002013-07-01T09:19:11.861-06:00Certainly, you can reference my post. Thank you f...Certainly, you can reference my post. Thank you for letting me know.<br /><br />I'm sorry that you can relate to my father, but glad that you've found some validation in it. I do believe that anyone who is married to a narc, or in a serious relationship with one, has issues to address themselves.jessiehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/06399613921768190064noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9026750446842946390.post-1081881232258627152013-06-30T16:49:02.489-06:002013-06-30T16:49:02.489-06:00Hi, Jessie. Your overall description of your dad s...Hi, Jessie. Your overall description of your dad sounds a lot like how I would describe my mom, so much so that it's kind of scary. I have not blogged about her yet,since I am mainly focused on blogging about my paternal relatives now, but I will be getting to her at some point, soon. Since reading about narcissism, and blogs detailing the behaviors of narcissistic parents, I came to the conclusion a while ago that my mom is not a narcissist. She has some traits that I certainly didn't like while growing up and still don't like, just like you with your father, but she also has ways about her that I have come to appreciate, over time. <br /><br />I just wanted to let you know that I referenced your "Cleaning" entry in the latest entry of my blog about Toxic Criticism, and how habitual my paternal relatives are at giving criticism. If you don't mind, I would like to reference this entry as well, when talking about my mother, because as I said, your description of your father is a lot like how I would describe my mother, and I haven't read a whole lot of other blogs in which non-narc parents are described in such a way as having some serious issues but not being narcs. Anyway hope to hear back from you.burningcandleshttps://www.blogger.com/profile/15698012983033681418noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9026750446842946390.post-20158050737332097402013-06-29T10:31:47.916-06:002013-06-29T10:31:47.916-06:00Sorting out who can be trusted and who can't i...Sorting out who can be trusted and who can't is huge. You are doing great. Glad to hear your father validated you on the issue with your sister. Makes a difference when you feel like someone is in your corner. Ruthhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/07083142637240943607noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9026750446842946390.post-18268497623702521132013-06-28T16:14:44.549-06:002013-06-28T16:14:44.549-06:00A great part of it is how they react to your chang...A great part of it is how they react to your changes, and your father seems to be accepting of the changes you have made unlike your NM and Nsis who fight your setting of boundaries every step of the way. I guess if we wanted to really simplify, we could say that what makes a Narcissists more than not is their reluctance to respect other people's boundaries. Karahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/14470007362954479373noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9026750446842946390.post-69682374480856910582013-06-28T08:45:41.078-06:002013-06-28T08:45:41.078-06:00You got it exactly, Gladys.
At first, it seemed...You got it exactly, Gladys. <br /><br />At first, it seemed like narcs were everywhere. EVERYWHERE. And, granted, I had a lot of them in my life. And a lot of selfish, mean, take-advantage people too. It took me a long time to sort out the truly "narc" from the jerks.<br /><br />For me, it was nice to see that SOMEONE had some concern for me in my family. That not everyone was out to control me or destroy me or use me for their own purposes. And with my dad, I have seen progress in him over the years. He still struggles a lot, but he has gotten so much better. He isn't unpleasant to be around (mostly) and I don't feel he'd screw me over at every chance he got. He really does want what's best for me. He just has some much personal bullshit he's wading through, that he really can't be there for me. But it's not because he doesn't want to be. So, it's complicated. The layers and spectrums of this all are complicated.<br /><br />Thanks for your thoughts, Gladys.jessiehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/06399613921768190064noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9026750446842946390.post-61802582595414657772013-06-28T07:39:34.237-06:002013-06-28T07:39:34.237-06:00It's so complicated isn't it - trying to s...It's so complicated isn't it - trying to sort out the layers of the crap we went through.<br /><br />I completely understand where you're going with this too. I think...?<br /><br />Once you learn about narcs, they seem to be everywhere. All the bad guys sort of get painted with the same brush. Then the smoke clears and it gets a bit easier to quantify craziness - to measure it, measure the evil.<br /><br />It was necessary for me to do the same thing. Turns out my dad is a narc, but not the MALIGNANT kind that say Q, or MF, or TW had. <br /><br />I think it's a sign of clarity, of maturity if you will. Not maturity as in 'getting older', but in aging with the knowledge of narcissism - letting it all soak in, reading about it, learning, and learning to discern levels.<br /><br />I wish TW would comment on this, lol - she says things so much more succinctly than I ever can.<br /><br />Your dad is a mean asshole. But he isn't EVIL. That seems like clarity to me.Gladyshttps://www.blogger.com/profile/03379796403577898107noreply@blogger.com