tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9026750446842946390.post5717551006316064216..comments2023-05-18T03:34:13.887-06:00Comments on Releasing Jessie: Strongerjessiehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06399613921768190064noreply@blogger.comBlogger6125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9026750446842946390.post-84510714674743748982012-10-04T10:31:20.863-06:002012-10-04T10:31:20.863-06:00Oh, Ruth, I agree with you completely. Most of yo...Oh, Ruth, I agree with you completely. Most of your suggestions I've actually been implementing recently. I've been trying to stand up to the periphery people in my life. And I've been working on steeling myself and having comments ready so I don't feel like I've been surprise attacked. I'm working on it...but as you know, it's hard work.<br />Thanks for taking the time to comment. I appreciate your thoughts.jessiehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/06399613921768190064noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9026750446842946390.post-37002476910363709642012-10-04T07:26:51.086-06:002012-10-04T07:26:51.086-06:00Hugs Jessie, Bullies look for those they consider ...Hugs Jessie, Bullies look for those they consider vulnerable. Perhaps what you resent is that feeling of vulnerability? (IMO you don't want to be hard.) My counselor was totally dismayed when I told him I could count on one hand how many times I stood up for myself, I was 45 at the time. He took on the task of teaching me to stand up for myself by pushing me to standup for myself with him. I don't recommend starting with a dragon to learn how to stand up for yourself. How about in a grocery line if someone tries to step in front of you saying, "Excuse me but that is not ok?" I learned with people that were safe and wouldn't eat me. I am also learning that as my confidence grows bullies mean less and less to me. The bully is trying to score a hurt reaction. I now practice comebacks for stuff I know will come up again and again. (Bullies really are very predictable.) The other day someone 'playfully' hit me. I automatically said out loud, "Don't hit me." I will also plan not to be next to that person. I am learning to standup for myself more and more. Hugs, learn what you can from what happened before, have comebacks ready, and practice with safe people first. You can do this. If you feel I am trying to fix things and disagree with me, delete this. You can start with standing up to me if you feel my comment is not ok. Ruthhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/07083142637240943607noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9026750446842946390.post-43477564749864677942012-10-03T19:20:05.358-06:002012-10-03T19:20:05.358-06:00Trisha, that's a good point and something I wi...Trisha, that's a good point and something I will have to think about. <br />Regardless, I should've confronted her at some point. I think, even at that moment, I wished I'd just said something about it not being very funny. She has a habit of picking on people's physical appearances for a laugh and I think it's childish, bullying behavior. When she does it now, I refuse to laugh, but I want to get to the point where I tell her I think it's not very kind. jessiehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/06399613921768190064noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9026750446842946390.post-24003041732131338532012-10-03T17:51:32.464-06:002012-10-03T17:51:32.464-06:00Consider that you might have stood up for yourself...Consider that you might have stood up for yourself by acting like it didn't hurt you, and laughed. Why give her that vulnerability as well? The room might have fell quiet as you fell apart. To me, you did the right thing in that moment. If she matters enough to you, perhaps talk with her at a later date, when it suits YOU, not her!Trishahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/07023642047160256083noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9026750446842946390.post-21355825352717630612012-10-03T16:00:37.323-06:002012-10-03T16:00:37.323-06:00You are right. I think I can be a little hard on ...You are right. I think I can be a little hard on myself. This is a skill that requires practice. jessiehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/06399613921768190064noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9026750446842946390.post-55295915695133452232012-10-03T15:28:06.814-06:002012-10-03T15:28:06.814-06:00But you couldn't have stood for yourself preci...But you couldn't have stood for yourself precisely because of the lack of resources and role models. I truly think that standing up for oneself is a learned skill and it requires practice. Why do people have fire drills? So they know what to do when there's an emergency. Except that our parents never did that for us. So when our "emergencies" (someone overstepping our boundaries, making a rude remark and so on) happen we don't know how to react. Still, we can all learn together.Karahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/14470007362954479373noreply@blogger.com