The phone rang tonight in the middle of preparing dinner. Things are busy, the kids re underfoot and I'm working to get dinner done. My father and his wife come for a visit tomorrow, so I'm thinking about the million things I need to still get done. It's clearly the dinner "hour". Anyone who knows me would know this particular time of night is really busy for me.
When it rang, I expect my dad. He was canceling, I thought. He has just returned from moving his mother out of the home she's lived in (and he grew up in) for about 60 years. It must've been hard. He seemed...rather...OK with it all. I found that odd. I suspected him.
Or my mother. She's been writing me all weekend how "upsetting" my grandmother - her ex-MIL, who doesn't particularly like her and she's had no contact with in 20 years - moving was for her. I'm sure that was it.
I didn't expect NSIS. (For those who are interested, see my recent post "Crying Wolf" for a history). My stomach dropped instantly. I can't say I was totally surprised. She called (and emailed) shortly before my last visit with him to warn me to "no talk about" her with him. To not ruin their now-blooming, "new" relationship. OK. Sure.
She sent a package full of gifts for my younger son, and we exchanged a few texts. We haven't talked since (and not on the phone for over a year). She completely ignored my older son's very recent birthday. I had half expected that she would call me after my confrontation with my mother.
So, she's calling for one of a few reasons:
1) To chew me out for "hurting" my mother or whatever she decides to label me telling my mom, honestly and calmly, how I feel. She's often called to take my mother's side against me. Or, NM spilled something and she's calling to confront me on that.
2) Or, she's calling to damage control. To make sure I don't spill secrets to my dad. To make sure I don't fuck things up for her.
3) To tell me, I'm a rotten human being.
4) To cry and whine about the relationship we used to have
5) To act normal, in an attempt to pretend everything's OK (still, right before my father's visit, so obviously this has an ulterior motive).
I'm upset and anxious. I was already anxious about dad arriving. Things went well last time, but you never know. Things have been not good. And he is a little high strung. He can get tense- and make everyone around him tense- in quick order.
I'm angry she called tonight. I'm angry she didn't leave a message. I mean, the fact that she didn't say what in the hell she was calling about is SO passive-aggressive. We haven't talked in a year, but you DON'T LEAVE A MESSAGE AS TO WHAT THE HELL YOU WANT.
In any event, she's fucking with me. The timing is too coincidental. Right after (days after) ignoring my son on his birthday. She's not been told she can't send him anything. Not that I wanted her to. But it clearly speaks to her motives. And the DAY before my father is to come. She was just complaining on FB (to a very random person, who happens to be a mutual friend) about my dad not coming to see her and being wishy washy about making plans. NM got angry with me for my father not visiting my sister enough. I'm not sure how I have any control over that (or really should care, it's not my place).
DH sort of laughed it off. I'm sure it's ridiculous to him. I'm guessing he doesn't really know what to say. But he didn't seem to get how painful this really is for me. How I HATE that I'm agonizing, again, over them...and she's the one I'm basically "NC" with. How does that work?
She knows she is supposed to email me. I've told her I'm uninterested in phone calls at this point. She has CLEARLY ignored this several times now. I can't ignore that.
I'm just twisted. Sorry this is so disjointed and random. I'm just so twisted. It was the last thing I wanted to deal with tonight. Fuck her.