I read this on Jonsi's blog "Open your eyes and see", who reposted it from Upsi's "You don't have to dance for them" and it is too powerful not to repost. I hope they don't mind terribly. What wonderful insight (and brilliance in research) on Upsi's part. I never would've thought twice about this.
I've been researching the origins of the expression "blood is thicker than water" and it turns out it means exactly the opposite of what people use it for. People use it to mean family ties are the most important, but really the saying comes from the idea of a blood covenant - "blood of the covenant is thicker than water of the womb" - in other words, the bonds we make in faith are stronger than those of family.
The bonds we forge in choice, with all our hearts and all our faith, with those we make a promise to stand by and honor, are thicker than the water we're born in - stronger than the bonds with the family we're born into. Because we choose to make those covenants. What we choose for ourselves is stronger than what is chosen for us.
Thanks for posting this, this phrase has never sat right with me, every time someone would mention it, I would hear my brain protesting: "No, it's Not!!!" The real meaning makes so much more sense.
ReplyDeleteMy other favorite that my mom uses is "Your family will always be there for you." Ha, they've never been there when I really needed them before, why would I expect it in the future?
DeleteYes, that feeling that you can't expect anything from them and that (despite having a FOO) you're on your own.
DeleteI was thinking that both sayings sound like something the "mafia" would say. You can just imagine Vito Corleone saying them to his children with his deep voice. Creepy.
Ha, Kara! Vito Corleone is actually how I have described my mother-in-law, a mob boss. "head of the family".
DeleteHahaha, from the way you described her in your previous posts I always thought your MIL sounded like an Italian "mamma".
DeleteI don't mind at all. If it's on my blog, it's yours to re-post.
ReplyDeleteUpsi is and always will be an inspiration for me, that's for sure.
Thanks Jonsi. This phrase (and others like it) have been used to beat me into submission for so long, that I felt compelled to share it with others.
DeleteI agree. It's totally enlightening to see "the truth" about that particular statement.
DeleteAlso, DH often got the "We'll always be there for you shit." That one bothered me, along with the "we miss you" bullshit.
I think I'll write a post about that, rather than eat up your space here. Thank you for bringing up that particular topic!
I look forward to reading your thoughts on the topic Jonsi.
DeleteScary, did it actually mean that the church can control your family?
ReplyDeleteDoes the generally meaning now imply that families will look after their own first, even to the detriment of others?
I've never had it used against me, I was adopted and that would be pushing it.
I do not read "covenant" refers strictly to the church, but to any agreement that has a sanctity to it. However, I do believe that the some churches would profess that the church's law is far above "family" law, and if your family chose to go against the church, you would be expected to choose the church over your family. In fact, despite me having several religious points of view in my extended family, and my desire to include all of them in my views (instead of condemning them for their differences) my MIL would have had me condemn them. It never even occurred to her that I would find her views offensive.
DeleteAnd I also believe that, yes, that people now do use this "family bond" crap to the detriment of others. Kind of like, get in line, or get out. We look after our selves first and foremost and will shun all that threaten it. Really kind of pathetic if you ask me. If the family bond is so strong, it shouldn't be threatened by outside forces.