I fucking hate my mom today. She has been dragging this bullshit out for a week now, saying she's coming but that she isn't sure but maybe she can but maybe she can't. Oh, woe is me!!
I am so, so tired of it. And although, in the end, if she isn't able to come and I have to miss my event, so be it. But what sucks, is that she showed her true colors today. She lied, over and over, on the phone to me. She took a moment that I really, really needed her and shit on me. It was more than the little favor it seems to be. As I was just explaining to a friend, I needed this break. I needed this time for me and my husband. It was so much more important than it appeared on the surface. And she knew that. She knew exactly how much it would hurt me. She knew exactly how much it would twist in my side. She knew that I would know exactly what she was doing for me. And she knew that I couldn't call her on it. That she was being so damned sneaky about it, that there was no way to confront her. What can I say? I don't believe your hurting? I don't believe what you say. DH and I were talking about confronting his brother the other day. He finally said, "why would I have an argument that I can't win?" And that's the point I guess. First, it shouldn't be an argument. But the narc will always turn it into an argument. It will turn into winning and losing. And the narc will not lose. And really, how do you argue with the wind? Something that's shifty and shapeless and invisible. Something that moves around and can throw almost anything in your face to distract you? Why waste your damn breathe?
She's been laying the groundwork for this for so long, it'd be almost impressive if it didn't hurt so damned bad. If I wasn't finally forced to see her for what she is. If I wasn't given clear proof of how much she will hurt me in order to punish me.
Oh, and I almost forgot: how's this for narcy behavior? I also told NM about my kid's sudden, and upcoming serious medical procedure that we found out about today (I'm being vague for my anonymity. And while it's a serious thing, it is somewhat routine and should all be OK.) Guess who suddenly thought she should be here for that?! You guessed, NM! She sure couldn't put her pain and suffering aside to help me out. But, miss a chance for some good ole narc supply? Hell no! The procedure is only a week later. I guess she'll be seeing the witch doctor and coming by a miracle cure and then she can grace us with her presence to "help us out". Yeah, right. I told her hell no.