I fucking hate my mom today. She has been dragging this bullshit out for a week now, saying she's coming but that she isn't sure but maybe she can but maybe she can't. Oh, woe is me!!
I am so, so tired of it. And although, in the end, if she isn't able to come and I have to miss my event, so be it. But what sucks, is that she showed her true colors today. She lied, over and over, on the phone to me. She took a moment that I really, really needed her and shit on me. It was more than the little favor it seems to be. As I was just explaining to a friend, I needed this break. I needed this time for me and my husband. It was so much more important than it appeared on the surface. And she knew that. She knew exactly how much it would hurt me. She knew exactly how much it would twist in my side. She knew that I would know exactly what she was doing for me. And she knew that I couldn't call her on it. That she was being so damned sneaky about it, that there was no way to confront her. What can I say? I don't believe your hurting? I don't believe what you say. DH and I were talking about confronting his brother the other day. He finally said, "why would I have an argument that I can't win?" And that's the point I guess. First, it shouldn't be an argument. But the narc will always turn it into an argument. It will turn into winning and losing. And the narc will not lose. And really, how do you argue with the wind? Something that's shifty and shapeless and invisible. Something that moves around and can throw almost anything in your face to distract you? Why waste your damn breathe?
She's been laying the groundwork for this for so long, it'd be almost impressive if it didn't hurt so damned bad. If I wasn't finally forced to see her for what she is. If I wasn't given clear proof of how much she will hurt me in order to punish me.
Oh, and I almost forgot: how's this for narcy behavior? I also told NM about my kid's sudden, and upcoming serious medical procedure that we found out about today (I'm being vague for my anonymity. And while it's a serious thing, it is somewhat routine and should all be OK.) Guess who suddenly thought she should be here for that?! You guessed, NM! She sure couldn't put her pain and suffering aside to help me out. But, miss a chance for some good ole narc supply? Hell no! The procedure is only a week later. I guess she'll be seeing the witch doctor and coming by a miracle cure and then she can grace us with her presence to "help us out". Yeah, right. I told her hell no.
No. is a complete sentence. Sorry to hear you are being jerked around. Bummer.
ReplyDeleteThank god you told her no. :)
ReplyDelete"But what sucks, is that she showed her true colors today." It also is a good thing because it's the truth. And in order to live in reality, we need to see the truth for what it is. And the fact that you're being honest with yourself about what she is doing is REALLY a big step.
ReplyDeleteI know. I guess it just hurts. A LOT.
DeleteI'm so sorry Jessie, I really am. We know what they're like but it still hurts so so much. xxx
Delete"It was so much more important than it appeared on the surface. And she knew that. She knew exactly how much it would hurt me." That's definitely something I've learned about narcissists through experience and observation: never ever reveal to them your deepest fears or your deepest desires. They ALWAYS use it against you.
ReplyDeleteBig big hugs to you, dear friend.
Hi Jessie,
ReplyDeleteI wish I could offer some advice, but I can only offer sympathy. Your mother sounds so much like mine and I don't know what to do with mine, either
Hugs to you and yours.
Jessie, I'm so sorry you are in this pain. When it hurts A LOT, it feels bigger than you, doesn't it. I hate that screaming pain. How I wish I could give you a big hug.
ReplyDeleteCharity
Yes, I've felt swallowed whole. God forbid, my mother let me enjoy a little of my life without having to piss all over it. Thanks for the hug ;)
DeleteI had your blog bookmarked and just came across it. I see why I kept the link; I am really moved by how you express yourself and share so much of your emotional turmoil. As well, I have spent years unravelling my own mothers crazy malignant narcie behavior and might be able to at least validate your feelings. And vise versa. Does your mother uses subtle twisted manipulations to keep you off balance, confused, often writhing in raw pain, while she totally negates and disrespects your sensitivities and vulnerabilty? Meet my mom too, lol. So sorry you're currently in a narcie-contrived drama with her. Sending positive vibes to your son for his upcoming procedure! Your mom seems so transparent in her interest in being there for his procedure, might it be 'attention-by-proxy' she's motivated by?
ReplyDeleteThanks Trisha for your kind words. I'm glad you've found your way here and welcome your thoughts.
DeleteMy mother is the Queen of Subtlety. She's so under the radar, it's taken me years to even recognize it. She still has lots of people fooled.
She loves "attention-by-proxy". She made a huge deal about how hard my pregnancy and delivery were for HER in my hospital room when I gave birth. Even when the nurse tried to suggest that it might've been hard for me too, she argued and turned it around. She always wants to be "in on the action" so to speak, although she never really wants to be involved in the hard stuff. She just wants to act like she's in the middle of it all. She got a big fat NO to coming to that.
Just reading that makes me want to put a noose around my neck and pay one of our cats to kick the chair out from under me.
ReplyDeleteWhy does it have to be like this?
Everything all the time.
It all has to be a 24/7 freak show and all we want is to take care of business and go home and eat an 89 cent chicken pot pie and collect our thoughts.
My thoughts exactly, Q.
Delete