NM is coming. She'll be here through the weekend. She's been "prepping" me with tons of texts and emails and annoying pressure.
My in-laws will be here too. We are celebrating my kiddos birthday. Well, they are celebrating. I'm just trying to get through it.
Every year, EVERY DAMN YEAR, it is stressful. There is drama and narcy behavior. Selfishness, rudeness, and lateness.
I can't not celebrate my kid. In fact, he is SO excited for it. For his grandparents to come. He looks forward to the gifts and the attention and the playmates. Which would be sweet....if I didn't know how many strings are attached to them. It makes my stomach hurt, as I don't really know how to untangle myself from that web. That I don't want to deny him that (or that excitement) but I can't help but feel it will set him up for hurt.
NM is excited and fantasizing and making plans for the weekend. She's texted them to me. In a very controlled, doled-out manner. Not one that is straight forward and honest. But one in which she, very clearly, implies she wants to be in control. She fantasies all these expectations of how it will be. Creates some perfect image of the weekend. Obviously, we won't be able to live up to her perfect little visions.
I don't enjoy her visits. I don't enjoy her company. I'm sure she'll have some drama about NSis (Nsis has already hinted as such on FB). It makes me incredibly sad. NM's already hinted at the gossip and whispered words she wants to have about family members.
I am tired. I am cranky. I am irritated that everyone else is so damned excited, and I'm upset. I'm angry that I just want it to be over with. That I can't celebrate my son in a peaceful, loving way. That drama, and attention seeking, and bitterness will be involved.