Birthday Drama

The subtitles of my mothers manipulations are finally coming to light for me and I'm finally allowing my self to not feel guilty for not playing into her games.  It's amazing to me how subversive it is.  How for so long, I knew something wasn't right but could never put my finger on it.
Since Easter, I've used my family being continually sick to help buffer me from my mother.  It's made it easy to excuse why I don't call, or haven't been available to chat.  But with my son's birthday coming up, I knew that I'd better ease back into things.  I knew that she was seething and resentful.  But all that was left behind when i called.  Since then, things are back to "normal".  I've been baraged by texts, phone calls, and emails.  In any given day, I have received one to ten communications.  Usually they are ridiculous things, used as bait to demand attention from her.
One of her favorite manipulation games centers around gifts.  She loves to give gifts.  Extravagant, expensive gifts.   Gifts that no one ever appreciates enough, or thanks her for enough, or loves her enough for.  Short of falling down and kissing her feet, our reaction to these gifts is never sufficient...and even then I doubt that'd be enough.  Anyway, TWO months ago, she emailed that she wanted ideas for my son's birthday.  She wanted to "get it out of the way".  She badgered me for ideas.  She wants a large list of ideas that she can then choose from.  She doesn't consider that I also have to provide ideas for other family members.  She doesn't consider that I don't have time to sit around coming up with magical lists that include items of all price ranges and styles.  At Christmas, I provided such a list.  When she saw my son, she whipped out a toy catalogue, had him pick from that and then bought him the crap he selected despite the fact that he already had the same toy at home.  So much for all my hard work making the damn list.  So, I told her that I would give her a few ideas, but there were only a few things that my son really needed (as we have a million toys already) and I didn't want to provide an endless list because, really, these few items would be the best.  I also suggested that she let me know as soon as possible what she'd selected so that I could pass the list on to the others.  This upset her.  I'm only supposed to provide ideas to HER.  (And as a side note, I provide all these ideas and then she acts like she's the best grandmother ever for providing such a PERFECT gift.  My MIL does this too.  I don't mind not getting credit, but the endless gloating about how wonderful they are really gets under my skin.  If it's the thought that counts, and they contribute no thought, then does it count?)  She emailed me and texted me and pondered over the list for two months.  She sent emails saying "next week, I'll select a gift, so you can pass it on".  Next week came and went.  She just loved having the control, holding it over me.  How do I know she wasn't just busy, just forgot?  Because she never is busy.  And this happens EVERY, SING:LE time there is a gift giving occasion.    So, she selected one gift.  I told her that was great.  Nope, not good enough.  She wanted to select another gift.  That took another month.  Then there is the barage of texts asking if it has been delivered.  I'm just worried it got lost, she'll text.  I see it was delivered, but you didn't let me know, she'll email.  Did it really get there? And even when I do email her that things arrive, she claims to not have seen those emails.   AAAHHHH!  Finally, I thought we were finished with the whole ordeal.  But now she wants MORE ideas.  For little gifts, special gifts she can get him.  Well, if it's supposed to be special, shouldn't she come up with the idea?  I tell her she has spent too much as it is (and for all her annoyance that I don't appreciate the gifts enough, it annoys her more that I reject her desire to spend too much.   This denies her the chance to be the hero/martyr and how dare I rob her of this opportunity).  Regardless, I have no more ideas for her.  I've given them all.  She emails me a suggestion that is more appropriate for my other son.  I suggest not to get this gift and that she's gotten plenty already.  So, last night, I get a voice mail.  "Hi, I was just calling to see if you had other ideas for (son's) birthday.  I just wanted to get him something he'd like, or something you didn't already have.  But I guess I'll just pick something up...I guess I'll just hope whatever I get works out...."  Can you feel the guilt dripping from her message?  All of this over a young child's birthday gift.  Nothing is given without a price.