My mother is always worried about someone or something. Someone is always dying. Someone always has some horrible disease. She worries that something could happen to someone. She worries that some one might get an illness. If she hears about a person younger than her that died of a heart attack with no known symptoms, she most certainly will dwell on that. If someone is doing something that is out of her comfort zone, she will stress endlessly that something will happen to them. A relative of mine was traveling to a small town for work that had a murder recently. It was a senseless murder, with a very unlucky victim who happened to be in the wrong spot at the wrong time. This town has had no murders before or after. But this relative was in untold amounts of peril. Mom was certain that she would get attacked, that she shouldn't go alone, that she should just refuse to travel there for work. When I told her that she was being paranoid and that this relative would be more likely to get hurt in the big city that she and my mother were travelling to than this small town, my mother got very angry. She barraged me with "proof" of this danger. News reports and internet articles. Everyone we know is always just on the brink of danger. Everyone we know is so unlucky. When someone she knew actually was dying of cancer, it was unbearable. I received endless emails and monologues about how much it was effecting her. How hard it was to watch for her. And then the "revelations" she had were ridiculous. It taught her that "family was everything". You can die any day, Jessie. It's important to live life to the fullest! Respect your mother! Live like those cheesy inspirational quotes she sent me. Ugh.
In addition, she is endlessly plagued by illness and sickness herself. My family has had a rough go of endless colds the last few weeks, but my mother, well, she has REALLY been sick. She tripped over a rug and sprained her ankle and was unable to walk for awhile and now is still limping. She caught a cold and had to lay in bed all weekend (do you know how much I wanted to lay in bed all weekend? What I wouldn't give!). She has a face rash and a cancer patch on her nose. All of these require separate doctors appointments. I found out about the malignant cancer in an email titled "BIOPSY". The biopsy revealed that it was not cancer. But she was oh so relieved that they wouldn't have to cut of "half" her nose and it had been so "scary" for her. Her back is messed up and goes out on her. Getting old is a bitch, she claims. Which I'm sure it is. But the problem is, these maladies come and go. All of a sudden, something will just go away and you'll never hear about it again. And she will never seek real treatment for them. They are always problems that are beyond medical help. All suggestions of treatment are dismissed and then we move on to the next tragedy.
Another favorite emotion of my mother's is pity. She always "feels sorry" for someone. Generally, these "someones" are people she recently complained endlessly about. Telling me how horrible, stupid, mean, blah, blah, they are. But then something happens, usually insignificant, and she feels sorry for them. Not true empathy and compassion, but pity. A pity that elevates her and makes the other person seem a pathetic victim of circumstance. Some retched human being that is beyond help. While she, the kindly, caring person feels so sorry for them.
If I'm not hearing about her Mother Theresa act, or her endless worries and illness, than it's bitterness. How dare some one treat her like so and so did? How dare they say that, do that, breathe, in her presence? Screw them for having money, or a nice car, or a nice home. No one is deserving of the things they have. Everyone is always milking the system or cashing in on something they shouldn't. She is jealous about almost everyone and everything. No matter that she has money and a nice car and a nice home. She is been shit on and everyone else gets the things she deserves. She works the hardest, she puts in the most time, she has pulled herself up farther than anyone. Everyone else skates or is just plain lucky.
Conversations are rarely about anything other than these three emotions. It is exhausting.
My mom is like that too. If she sees people doing stunts or having fun on TV, it's always "Oh, so scary, someone's going to get hurt." Then it's "Oh, I feel so sorry for the gardeners working out in the hot sun, let me get them some water," sad face. When I was growing up with her, it was ailment after ailment. First it was some stupid problem with her feet. Then it was off to the emergency room because of ACID REFLUX. Then there's something wrong with her eyes and oh no! Do something, you stupid wrench, get me a kleenex, I can't see! Then now it's supposedly FIBROMYALGIA, the hot new thing. She lies in bed with a cold, then comes out into the living room going, "Omg, you guys all suck. You are a horrible daughter. You call yourself a daughter? Not once did you come in and ask me how I was doing and take care of me. And blah blah blah blah. And blah blah blah blah blah." Gee, where'd you get all the energy to be such a complete bitch. Bulllsheeeetttt.
ReplyDeleteSick, my ass. They limp like a dog one day, but when you're not looking, they stand tall and run the show. You'll see it, behind the scenes, that evil look in their eye. Cue the foreboding music and the audience shock. It's crazy manipulative.
hahahaha I swear you are talking about my mum!! wheew! Good Lord. She makes me so angry..urg! You know when I was a child I used to wonder why she always looked like she would explode..ALWAYS ANGRY. I knew something was not right with her. I always admired other mothers who looked seemed happy (if u know what I mean). The painful part is that she expects me to comfort her and attend to her emotional needs BUT SHE never reciprocates. Its so so so tiring.Its like dealing with a teen.nkt
ReplyDeleteYes, I find it like dealing with a preschooler. Always on the verge of a temper tantrum, always impulsive, always selfish.
DeleteI've found that narcs are all the same. Same behavior, same bullshit. Sorry you had to experience it too.
Oddly MIL also had cancer on her nose and had to have it removed. This did nothing for her constant worries that it affected her looks, she'd have a scar blah blah blah.
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