Releasing the past in order to find myself

Wednesday, May 30, 2012


My son's birthday is coming up.  And what should be a fun time is, for me, filled with dread.  It saddens me so much that whenever something important and momentous happens I know that it'll  be emotionally exhausting as I deal with the narcissists in my life.  The birthday will not be about my son.  It will be about the grandmothers and the grandfather.  They will demand the spotlight,be loud and obnoxious, snipe secretly at each other, and compete for attention.  They will show up late and pull stunts to let me know who really is in charge.  There will be criticisms of the table arrangement and decorations.  People will overstay their welcome and do little to help.  It has been this way for every birthday up to this point.  Luckily, holidays are no longer like this, as I've reserved them for immediate family.  But with the birthdays, I have to suck it up and deal.  And more than anything, I hate that I'm upset. I hate that I can't enjoy my birthday and struggle to put on a happy face and let things go so my kids can have a great day.   It's most definitely not about me, and I will do anything for my son to have a fun day.  Too bad everyone else can't see it that way.


  1. Not that you could get away with it but wouldn't it be great if you could put sleeping pills on their drinks and they slept through the party. ;)

  2. His grandparents don't have to be there every birthday. Both of you could have more fun without them. It makes no sense for you to be so sad. You're the wife and mother.

  3. Arrrrgh. (((((Jessie)))))

    "It's most definitely not about me, and I will do anything for my son to have a fun day. Too bad everyone else can't see it that way."

    I wish more people had the attitude you do.

  4. Kara...funny thought. Not that I would do it, but I half way wished they would get sick and not be able to come. On the plus side, hubby DID talk them into bring great grandma (whom I love) and they will have limited time because they'll have to get her back. And ironically, narc MIL, dislikes great granny, so she'll sulk.

    Lisa, I can not WAIT for the day I can boot the grandparents. These early birthdays are hard (this is my son's first birthday. My older son will be four) because they all want to be here. But when they get a little older, I think pool parties and sleep overs will not be "grandparent friendly". Thank god. But I'm working on some seperation. Soon.

    Cassandra, thanks for the support!

    1. You don't have to wait! Just say "I want to have a small family thing" and invite the people you want.

    2. I agree with Lisa.

      "But with the birthdays, I have to suck it up and deal." No. You don't. And you don't have to make your son suck up and deal either.

      I'm with Lisa on this one. (If the party hasn't happened already) you don't have to invite them. I mean, it's easier to not invite your mom because she's YOUR mom and not your DH's. I feel like whether or not you invite HIS mom has to be discussed with him.

      I also know how tough this is. Had it been entirely up to me, DH's parents wouldn't have come to DD's first birthday party.

      Actually, they wouldn't have come to anything.


      Not even once.

      Not our wedding, our showers, birthday parties, or when our babies were born. Nada. Nothing.

      You don't have to wait and you don't have to allow them to come. Consider it a privelege. If they start showing you they can behave (doubtful), then they can be allowed to come to certain events of your choosing. If not, there are consequences.