So, there has been no progress with NSis, other than to say that she has been avoiding her immediate family like a champ. She's been vague and contradictory in her statements. She has been telling everyone she is "just too tired to talk about it anymore" and that's why she won't answer or return phone calls. This, I find ironic, considering she hasn't really talked to any of us at all about it. We are all still as confused as we were to begin with.
To add to that, a close family member is very sick. DH had to find out about this in a round about way, too. And I wonder why no one could pick up the damn phone to call him instead of making him hunt around for information. He finally got a hold of his mother. And one thing she said stuck with me. They got to discussing my son's upcoming birthday party. Usually, I'm pretty good about sending out invites and letting everyone know ahead of time. But this year, I got tired of everyone just sitting around expecting me to take care of it all. They all know the 2 weekends the party might be, and if they needed more concrete plans, they could call and ask (or wait for the invitation). Anyway, when DH told NMIL the weekend, she said "Oh, I'm glad you told me because we had plans already." I found this to be passive-aggressive in itself. Kind of a little, "took you long enough to tell me. You're lucky I can even make it because we have a busy schedule. blah, blah, guilt, blah, blah, passive b.s." And as a little side note, NMIL makes a huge deal of her grandkids. She will drop anything at anytime to do anything for them. I think this is good in little doses, but a bit weird in a constant, obsessive way. And when it comes to the party in the past, she always acts surprised that I'm having one. Although, I have them every year. She never makes any attempt to reach out, offer help, find out the plans, or figure out a birthday gift on her own. She expects us to give her ideas for gifts, then always screws it up somehow and expects us to fix it. For a very competent women, she sure struggles with ordering things online. Anyway, last year she made a huge deal about not knowing where the party was going to be. I told her her husband would know. I suggested googling it. I ended up sending a map to EFIL (because he is more familiar with our town and I thought the map would be more meaningful to him.) Well, when they showed up at the party, she makes a loud statement about how they had to follow BIL because they didn't know how to find the place. Whatever. Back to the situation at hand. So, DH tells her the weekend. And she says "Oh, it's not the next weekend? I'll be in town babysitting that next weekend for (cousins)." To me, this reeked of passive-aggressiveness. To me, what she's saying is "oh, not next weekend? Because that would be better for me. Then I wouldn't have to cancel my plans. And then I can trot the cousins over and look like the awesome grandma I know I am. And I can pretend I'm the mom again doing things with the kids. And it'll give me something to do with the kids while I babysit. So, can't you change it to accommodate me?" Maybe I'm reading a little too much into it. But I know that my gut isn't totally wrong. That she's trying to plant little seeds in DH head without having to directly ask. I mean who says "Oh, not the next weekend?" as a response? Where would the confusion be?
I tried to point it out, as gently and tactfully as I could. I made sure that I had the conversation right before I brought up my point. He was offended. He believed I was over-analyzing the situation. He said that that wasn't how the conversation went, that for me to take everything as word for word transcribing and base my assumptions on that was off base. That he couldn't remember the exact words and wasn't sure if that's what she said. Sounded like damn excuses to me. Typical excuses of why she didn't mean it, or I misheard, or I was reading into things. I tried to explain that people don't just spit out words for no reason. That, almost everything someone says is meant to communicate to (manipulate?) someone. But, I dropped it. I had told him my thoughts. It wasn't going to do any good to go round and round about it. But sometimes it can be so frustrating. I hate that she can whisper little things in people's ears and they don't even recognize that she's doing it.