Destruction

I think my sister is out to destroy herself.  I don't know how else to explain her life.

She has always struggled.  Her life and behaviors can be described as risky at best (I would describe them as far more extreme).  She is narcissistic to a fault.

I called my father today to tell him that my son's medical procedure went well.  As I tried to close up the conversation, he asked meekly if I had heard from my sister.  I sighed.  No.  I thought, now what?

As I've stated, my sister has been diagnosed with a very serious medical condition.  Very serious.  However, the information has only trickled in and has had to be pried from her.   She finished up treatment a couple of weeks ago.  She announced this medial condition on facebook (while drunk, I imagine) and then quickly retracted it.  My father and I learned about the condition from a relative.  She has willing accepted money and support from my parents but has provided them very little information in return.  I haven't heard from her at all, despite reaching out twice.  Out of the blue, last week, she texted asking about my holiday plans as if everything was normal.

My father told me today that she had gotten hysterical on the phone with him.  She was crying and screaming.  She was wailing that he boyfriend is abusive.  This isn't the first boyfriend who has been abusive, in fact, far from it (and this is actually a fact, as opposed to the "poor me" stories I sometimes get.).  She told my father she didn't know what to do.  Her told her that, yes, she did.  Kick him out and get out of it.  She became more hysterical.  She started screaming, blaming my father and mother for all the horrible things in her life.  She said that her childhood ruined her life.  He finally hung up on her and called 911.  He hasn't heard from her since.

I also had to talk to my mother today about my son's medical procedure.  She stated that my father and my sister had had a "fight".  Sounded like a hell of a lot more than a fight to me.  She then proceded to tell me that this boyfriend is very abusive.  My mother puts all the blame on him.  And while, yes, he is the abuser, I can't help feeling my sister  has some responsibility to get some help.  And to be honest, she's also very violent.  Very violent.  I know these situations are never as black and white as she makes them out to be.    And then my mother tells me my sister is back with the guy.  Then my mother, very quickly, had to get off the phone.

I'm just so very, very tired of this shit.  How my sister's life went from being all about her medical condition to being all about her abusive boyfriend in two weeks, I do not know...OK, well, I do.   And  I do feel for my sister.  I cried a few tears for the wreck of a life she's created.   She and I walked a similar path in childhood.  She and I have a similar story.  Part of me can't help but feel that, if circumstances were a tad bit different, I could be in her shoes.  But ultimately, I know that's not true.  Her childhood did change the course of her life.  Our parents screwed her just as much as me.  But she's also, never once, taken any responsibility for her choices as an adult.  She's remained entitled, and blaming, and childish.  She's remained vindictive and angry.  We have all lived as hostages to her insane life.  Always wondering if the next phone call will be the one were they tell us she's dead.  It's always the same thing over and over with her and it never gets better, only worse.

I didn't sleep more than two hours last night.  It was a long, hard day as I supported and cared for my son.  I stood crying, alone, in the hospital bathroom after they wheeled him away before I got my shit together and went back to wait for him after his procedure.   And in the end, it all became about my sister and FOO again.  For fuck's sake.  I'm so tired of this shit.