Releasing the past in order to find myself

Friday, June 8, 2012

More Crazy Making and other acts of bullsh*t

I remembered a few more examples of craziness that I had to share.

When I was pregnant with my first son, we didn't find out the sex of the baby until he was born.  This drove my family crazy.  They harassed me endlessly about finding out.  Despite this, my mother "knew" the baby would be a girl.  She actually went so far as to say she had a dream that it would be a girl with dark curly hair and blue eyes (I'll give you one guess as to who else has these particular features).  She crowed about how she just knew, she could tell.  She sent me texts from my uncle who also "knew" it was a girl (and he was never wrong).    After the baby was born, we were in the hospital when mom announces "isn't it funny that I KNEW it would be a BOY!"  This is one of the first times I can recall really thinking she was loosing her mind.  What?!?  "Um, no mom, you repeatedly told me that it would be a girl."  No, she argued.  She had always said boy.  She had bought all that blue stuff (what stuff?!?).  When I flat called her out and told her she was full of it, she said "Well, maybe I said girl.  But that's because I was trying to throw you off.  I was joking with you.  I knew it was a boy."  She said this over and over and over on different occasions.  I finally just took to ignoring it.  I had no clue as to what else to do.

My mother likes to act very superior.  She comes off as very snooty and stuck up.  And the bad part is, she thinks this is a good thing.  She thinks she looks good.  And most of the stuff isn't even true.   She watches a lot of TV shows.  She will text me during them, asking my thoughts, or just telling me hers (despite the fact that I don't watch the stupid shows).  She goes on and on about them.  One time, I asked her if she had seen a particular show.  Her response, was a snotty,  "I don't watch a lot of TV."  She went on to explain how she just doesn't have time, that by the time she gets home from her looonnng drive (a drive that she chose when she married my stepdad, but somehow feels we should feel sorry for her for.), cooks dinner (she often tells me how she only has yogurt for dinner), it's time for bed.  I wonder if she thinks I'm that stupid that I don't have recall of other things she tells me.  I marvel that she manages to try to look superior, get in a dig about how sad her life is, and make herself look like a martyr, all in one comment.

My mother has taken to telling outright lies about me to my sister.  Although, I'm sure she's always told lies about me, maybe these are just ones that I've actually caught her in.  She is afraid of my cat, well all cats.  I know she thinks that me getting a cat was a direct a front to her.  Regardless, when my second son was to be born, she planned on spending the week with me to help me (her idea, I didn't ask).  She has spent many nights at my home in the past with the cat.  There are lots of dramatics and lots of self-pity (which is a whole other story) on her part, but it has never stopped her from staying.  My sister called to tell me that mom was very upset.  Mom had told her that when the baby came she would have to stay in a hotel because we wouldn't keep the cat locked up.  That it was going to cost her astronomical amounts of money.  Poor her.  So many lies.  She had no intention of staying in a hotel. In fact, I had just talked about her staying the day before.   She made out like she was a victim, offering her services to help us, and that she had to suffer for it because we were so horrible.  We have always put up the cat when she's here.  We do let the poor thing out to use the litter box and eat.  We also let him out a bit more when my first son was born so that the cat wouldn't totally freak out with all the changes AND being locked in a room.  But we try to be as sensitive to her as possible, despite the fact that we are exhausted, that it adds to our stress, that we had a new baby and had a lot of other things to worry about besides her and the cat.

My sister and her boyfriend having been getting more serious and mom wanted them to see a therapist, as they have some conflicts.  So, mom decided to tell sister that hubby and I had seen a therapist.  "They had lots of problems when they were first married and saw a marriage counselor."  Now, if I had needed to go to a therapist I surely would have.  I think therapy is important.  But the fact is, this is a BOLD FACED LIE.  She managed to make hubby's and my marriage look shaky AND used us to try and strong arm my sister into doing what she wanted.  My husband asked if I was going to confront her on it.  I told him it wouldn't matter.  She'd have some excuse.  She'd say that it was just to help out my sister.  She'd say my sister misunderstood.  Blah, blah, blah.  What would be the point?  Going round and round on something that would never come to a conclusion.  I had tried it all before and she always had some bullsh*t story.



5 comments:

  1. It seems like there is always a new low with narcissists. Like, just when you think it can't get any worse, it ALWAYS does. The stuff they lie about, it's often nothing short of inane and ALWAYS proves their agenda.

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    1. This bottomless pit of crap is what finally really led me to doing some serious research, and my discovery of narcissism. It just seemed that no matter how hard I tried, how much of a high road I took, how much I tried to be the bigger person, it just got worse. In fact, the "better" I tried to be, the worse it actually got. Maybe a sign that narcs only like to pray on the sick and the weak and any sign of health on my part made them feel threatened.

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    2. Lord, I have found this to be true. Just when you think they can't get any worse, they find a way and again I am standing there with my chin on the ground.

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  2. I'm with jessie. The nicer I tried to be, the worse it got. That is what led me to a psychiatrist to see if I could make sense of my family's dynamics (3 Ns).

    Once he explained it to me, it all made sense for the first time in my life.

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    1. I read an article today that said that when you try to be "nice" to them, the narcissists view this as a weakness. Because you have to be somewhat vulnerable, this opens you up to more aggression on their part. I also wonder if they have the perception that no one can be nice to someone else without some sort of ulterior motive because that's how they are programmed. I've discovered narcs don't do anything without thinking about the payoff for themselves, and I'm sure it doesn't occur to them that other people don't think that way.

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