My mother has been sending me lengthy, detailed, but confusing messages about my sister. They are very lengthy. They contain lots and lots of information, but very few things that I can pin down. Most of what she has communicated me has been inconsistent with previous statements. I don't know if she is telling me bullshit, passing on bullshit from my sister, or a combination of both. I suspect it's a combination of both. I still have no actual facts or concrete information to help me draw some conclusions about the real nature of sister's medical condition. Frankly, I've kind of enjoyed being in the dark.
So, on Thursday night, I got a lengthy email detailing a new procedure. Once again, at the end there was a same tag saying she hoped I was doing OK. I've actually been quite sick. Very, very sick. She knew that. Normally, I would've been getting texts and calls to check on me and lots of urgings to go to the doctor. You know, general engulfing behaviors. But nothing this time. I didn't respond to the email.
Yesterday in the late afternoon, she called and didn't leave a message. Maybe I'm wrong, but I don't generally rush to return phone calls to people when they don't leave messages. My assumption is that, if you don't leave a message you are calling to bullshit. Or that it wasn't anything. If you want me to call you back, then leave me a message telling me to do so. And I will. But I resent that she assumes that I should call her back just because I see her name on my caller ID. She has complained before that my aunt didn't call her back after calling her several times over two days. I asked if she left a message. She said "NO. But you would assume someone would call you back after several times of seeing you called." All about you much?
Last night, (about three hours later), I got an email that said "I tried to call you today. Is everything OK with you?" I didn't reply right away. Later in the night, I replied back that I was sick, not feeling well, and having been resting and sleeping (I only replied to stop her from escalating in phone calls). I got a message back almost immediately that said she was sorry I was sick, detailed a "crisis" in her life, and then added "hope you feel better at the end". Oh, and she said she thought it was unusually that the virus was lasting so long. With anyone else, I wouldn't think twice about this. But projection is NM's middle name. I've recently suspected that she thinks I lie about things. Recently I watched her testing out something I said by trying to "catch me" by asking my husband questions. And I think she thinks I'm lying about being sick. I kept thinking, why the hell would she think I'm lying? I'm not a liar. Why is she acting like I am? Simple projection. She thinks I'm lying because she does. She creates 'excuses' for things to get out of things. She says she's ill to cover herself. It pisses me off that she would think I'm fabricating illness just to get out of calling her back. But I guess it's par for the course with a narcissist. They naturally assume everyone stoops to the same levels they do. It's not about her perceptions of me, but her perceptions of reality.
Anyway, I haven't heard from her today. But I did get a phone call from my sister. She didn't leave a message. I don't think I'll call her back either.