Who's your Narc?

Blogger, Kara (of The North Wind), and I had been discussing how once we "discovered" narcissism, narcs started coming out of the woodwork.  For the newbies here, I have a NMom, NSis, NMIL, and (I believe also) a Nstep-mom (more on her soon).  I also believe that several of my husbands siblings and my dad display narcissistic traits.  And I know my grandmother was a narcissist.  I thought it was so crazy.  That I was crazy.  Seeing narcissists like monsters under my bed.
As I've recently wrote, I've been having some bad days lately, and bad days for me lead to no sleep.  So, I've been up watching TV.  Mainly sitcoms.  I've always had this soft spot for sitcoms since I was a little girl. I always had visions of being a part of the families on the shows:  The Cosby Show, Family Ties, even the frickin' Golden Girls.  I guess even as a little girl, I always knew something was missing and I wanted to be part of a more supportive, loving family.  Not that I wanted the perfect little, wrapped in a bow family that TV created, but I wanted to feel loved and supported and like I belonged like I felt those characters must have felt.
Anyway, back to my point.  I was shocked at how many Ns I suddenly found.  How many Ns were broadcast into my life and almost treated as normal.  How many Ns were just the kooky, self-absorbed friend, who everyone loved anyway.  Or the MIL, who everyone tolerated.  You know the show.  Self-absorbed, meddling MIL (everyone has one right?), Golden Child Son married to the DIL that MIL loves to hate.  Scapegoat son.  Moronic, enabling Father who hates her but tolerates her because she cooks a mean lasagna.   This show always made me laugh.  I used to point to it to husband to make points about his mom, long before I really believed I had any valid points.  But I watched it with new eyes the other day.  Why the hell did they put up with her?  Why is she in someway cast in a positive light?  Does using her in this way somehow normalize what she does.  The lady is mean if you really dissect it.  She's horrible to the SG son and the DIL.  She degrades, minimizes, and devalues them.  She makes everything about herself.  And we, as the audience, find it amusing.  Their pain is minimized and used as a punchline.  And I wondered if this  use of narcissistic in this way somehow normalizes it, minimizes it, makes it OK, because really, lots of us know people like this.  If we didn't, this show wouldn't have found an audience like it did.

So, anyway, that got me thinking.  And I googled other characters in media that are narcissists.  The obvious came up: the Godfather, Tony Soprano, the nasty boss lady that is the head of the company, the mean girl.   All the people I would've easily identified as narcissistic before I really learned what it was.  But something else kept coming up.  The "Narcissism Epidemic".  How social media is turning us all into little "narcissists" reporting on our "statuses" and counting our "friends" to see how important we are (which I find amusing because I'm very rigid about my "friends".  I actually find it better to have fewer, closer friends than to tally up near strangers and share my personal details about my life).  How certain "social media sites" are narcissistic playgrounds.  It was all very interesting.  How the rise of reality stars and 15 minutes of fame has turned a generation into fame whores who think being famous is better than being a good person.

I also came across information about how parents today have spent so much time telling their children how "special" and "unique" they are, praising their every little accomplishment has created children who are have heads the sizes of watermelons.  I know why we did it.  Society spent so much time ostrasizing and, in some cases killing off, any one who was different or "special" that we were horrified and tried to make it all OK.  So, by going in the exact opposite direction are we then creating a bunch of little narcissists who don't worry about the similarities between himself and the person next to him, and only strive to be different (read: better)?  And this line of thinking brought me back to my earlier post about my kids.  I think that was my real point with my bad day.  Where is the line between keeping your kid from making your kid feel SO important, he looses site of all those around him and giving him self confidence and a healthy identity in himself?  

I don't really know where I'm going with this post.  I don't really have a point, or an opinion.  I guess I just wanted to start a dialogue.  Has narcissism become more "mainstream" and acceptable?  Is "getting yours" really where we are headed?  Is it considered OK in society to trample over others to stand out, be important, or feel valued?  Is it OK to use other people's private lives to advance your own (posting pictures of others, making fun of others, laughing at and staring at the crazy reality stars)?  I guess as I started to see narcissism everywhere, it scared the crap out of me.