It has been too quiet lately. I haven't had much peace in the last year, year and a half, and, lately, it has been too quiet. I wonder if some angel has looked down on me. Blessed me with some respite, just when I needed it most. I also wonder if the other shoe is about to drop. I suppose that is a conditioned "flaw" of the ACoN. Always on the ready. Always looking for the monsters in the shadows. Always prepared, alert. For you never know when, if, or how the attack will happen.
NMIL is pretty predictable. So, she is relatively easy to deal with in that way. She is not able to be sneaky. Oh, yes, she is manipulative and passive aggressive...but able to do the sneak attack? Not usually. I had reached my limit lately with her. Usually, DH and I have the long winter months of January through March to regroup, to take a break. We had no such break this year. The in-laws had been in town every other week or so. And even though we didn't see them every time, it was always looming. Always over our head that they would call at any minute to "drop by" or "had something for the kids". They always have some bargaining tool, some bribe. But it's been quiet. They've been away for over a month.
NM is a much trickier adversary. She loves the sneak attack. She hits you out of nowhere when you aren't looking. We will be having a normal, easy going conversation and suddenly she's laying down what horrible, selfish, self-absorbed people "her kids" are. She doesn't refer to me directly, just her kids. Which is much worse in my opinion. Not even "man" enough to call me out to my face, she has to act as if she's talking about someone not in the room.
Regardless, it's been quiet. Unintentionally, I've been able to keep our contact mainly to email and texts. To my advantage, whenever I had gotten on the phone with her my kids would wail and whine and complain until I got off. It got convenient to say that I just couldn't talk. So, we've been limited to emails. And it has been so nice. I've had the ability to react how, and in the time frame, that I've chosen. I've been able to think before I respond.
I called yesterday. About a half hour before my kids get up from nap. NM texted right when I wake my kids up. She knows my schedule with the kids as well as I do. She texted that she was sorry she missed my call and to call if the kids weren't up yet. She knows they were. She emailed later to again say she was sorry. And repeat a story about a family member's health issues. But that was it.
It's just so quiet. Almost too quiet.
*Post Note: OK, so in between writing this post, I have been catching up with old posts of Upsi's. Almost the first one I pulled up after this post had the line "all quiet on the narc front". So, dear Upsi, I hope I have not poached this line from you. I believe I may have and I hope you do not mind me using it.
Sigh.
ReplyDeleteProbably is too quiet and you can expect an attack of some sort.
Be prepared, but try not to go too crazy trying to figure out precisely what they are going to do. (Yeah right, I know.) The thing is that you'll think up a million things, and then they'll do something you hadn't anticipated.
This is just exhausting.
Hi Jess. Just unhook. If you're always waiting, your on "Narc-time." Maybe you can try keeping HER off balance. Call at 11pm. Say it's the only moment you had to chat.
ReplyDeleteThen keep it to two minutes. Or call at 5am. I think there should be a new service sector called "Family Stand-Ins," or some such. We could pay them by the hour to attend family dinners and functions as our factotums or surrogates. They can just smile and nod and say "I agree completely," you pay them, and Bob's your uncle.
You are right. I've been doing a pretty good job of unhooking. But on occasion, it creeps in. Those old feelings creep up. I was telling DH the other day, that I've been stressing, knowing that she and NSis are surely damning my name because I haven't called to "check in". That I haven't called to see how they were doing (with their illnesses and diseases and "stress" and all). But then I realized, they haven't called me either. No one has called, or texted, or emailed to see how I am. So, why the hell am I so worried aobut them?
DeleteDon't worry. At any given moment, there is the possibility that someone somewhere is talking shit about you. Could be, could be not. You never know. The devil hates everyone. Devils gonna devil.
ReplyDeleteVery true Lisa. And it's not really my problem...just going to have to repeat this to myself about 1000 times.
Delete"I wonder if some angel has looked down on me."
ReplyDeleteAngels are powerless against narcissists. Your Narc is probably going to step up her game.
I use to wonder this too and then they'd hit. Just around Thanksgiving, I was thinking things were pretty calm....then I caught myself....oh the holidays are coming, time for them to get into action and they did. It will never change but at least I am getting more "tuned" in to when it will hit.
ReplyDeleteOnce you "crack the code" of a narc, it's much easier to predict what is coming ahead. At first, it seems so confusing and random. But there really is a predictable pattern, in my opinion.
Delete